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I like the idea of death and resurrection. Really, I do! I like knowing that with every death, God has the power to create something new. I appreciate the theology which gives me a lens to look at suffering and injustice and know that ultimately God will bring victims to the fullness of life. I like the freedom that comes from trying to fix everything that needs fixing, trusting in my own strength and wisdom (or frankly lack thereof).

But that’s all in theory.

When it comes down to it, believing this to be true is so much more difficult. And it comes out in the most absurd ways in my own life. For instance, I love my van. Eight years ago I was adamantly opposed to mom-mobiles, as I snarkily called them, on the day we bought one. I have driven it nearly every day since then, and we have come a long way together. Over 245,000 miles, actually. It has delivered me through snowstorms and hail, to funerals and weddings, and although it needs new tires (again), and although the doors sometimes don’t actually work and we are stuck until it decides to function, and although the idea of a more fuel-efficient vehicle is enticing, I do not want to let this die. I want to keep this van forever and ever.

Ok – I’m joking. A little. The truth is that grief can cloud our vision and there can be no death without grief. If it is hard to believe that a better vehicle is waiting out there – somewhere - how much more difficult to believe this to be true about things that actually matter. To believe that by letting a beloved ministry die, God might be making room for something unimaginably better. To believe in the midst of deep grief and sorrow, God is preparing a beautiful reunion with all the saints on that last day.

The cross seems like foolishness, indeed, until we completely surrender to the death we choose – joined to Christ in the waters of baptism – only to be raised with him to new life. Day after day, year after year, ministry after ministry, until we see the beautiful power of God.

This Tuesday in Holy Week, I invite you to consider the times God's resurrection life has surprised you, or how out of a grief experience God created something new.

Prayer

Lord Jesus, you have called me to come and die, that joined to you in the waters of baptism, God might raise me to new life. Help me to believe in the power of your life-giving cross and strengthen me with hope that no matter what I face, you are with me and will bring everything to newness of life. Amen.

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Week Five Devotions by Rev. Erika Uthe, uthe@seiasynod.org