by Allie Papke-Larson

Now that Christmas day has come and gone, the presents opened, the second turkey of the season stuffed and eaten, and 25 million tons of packaging and old Christmas trees are in our landfills, it’s time for Americans everywhere to consume the next thing: our New Year’s resolutions, plumped up and stuffed by our self-help culture. 

“This year I am going to wake up every morning at 5:30 a.m., meditate, go for a run, make myself a healthy breakfast and lunch, journal about how a certain poem has made me feel, write my own poem, then start the work day by 8 a.m., and this new app is going to make it possible!” Perfect. Ready, set, fail. 

I sometimes feel like all of America is telling me, “Allie, if only you had one more ‘healthy’ habit your life would be in perfect balance,” or “if you only didn’t have that one un-healthy habit, life would be smooth.” If only I meditated every morning, or never ate after 7 p.m., if I read more, or managed my stress differently, my life would be transformed. But, instead of waking up early and seizing the morning—never mind it’s dark until after 7 a.m.—I hit the snooze button several times. And instead of passing the plate of cookies, knowing I’m in the season of baked goods, I grab a few. 

At this time of year especially, I find myself resenting my humanness, those parts of me that never fail to desire doing the opposite of what I think I should be doing.  

It’s not that my actions bring about this pain, but my thoughts and judgments on my actions. This reminds me of Paul’s writing in Romans 7: what my actions should have been, or I wanted them to be, always seem so different than what they were. Why do I do the thing I do not want to do? And when will I be able to do the things I want to do?

Here we are, a people who believe life holds more meaning than the simple pleasures we have or the pains we experience, but we become obsessed with these details we think will make us happy. We put our faith in details, instead of in the one who was born, lived, died, and lived again, for us. Perhaps we believe these details will make our lives more fulfilled, making us worthy of God’s love.

Our culture has us believing these small details can make up a life. But as Christians, we are charged with joy to see past this façade and live our lives according to only real detail that matters: that we are delivered through Jesus Christ.  

Jesus didn’t come to Earth after everyone had their lives transformed, balanced, and fulfilled. I’m so thankful God didn’t wait for Mary to be perfect, and married, and not so young to choose her as the mother of Jesus.  I’m so grateful Jesus doesn’t wait until we have all lived into our New Year’s resolutions, read all those books or gained all the mindfulness, to be born into this world. Because if he had, he would always be waiting. 

We are given hope, this Christmas season, that God has given us Jesus to walk alongside us and within us as we struggle to live into the Christians we so deeply desire to be.  

Allie Papke-Larson is Program Coordinator for Lutheran Campus Ministries/Canterbury Episcopal Campus Ministries at Northern Arizona University and Youth Director at Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran Church in Flagstaff.